I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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