I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
