Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
