What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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