so that wasnt chicken after all
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
being pregnant is like rehab
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
