I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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