He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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