Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
zippers are such a cool invention
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
