Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize