i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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