I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
