I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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