I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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