So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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