i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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