Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
