My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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