when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Im part way to drunk.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
