Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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