Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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