Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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