Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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