you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
