hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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