How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize