I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
