Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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