if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
