How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
