can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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