I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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