He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This baby is an asshole
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize