fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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