The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
