I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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