Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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