I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
