Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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