I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
