Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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