I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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