I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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