If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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