just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
