....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
