What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
