you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
