The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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