JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize