Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dear god my vagina.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
