I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
