How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
