I think im going to throw up on grandma
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
