Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
