his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
