I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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