I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
