..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
please come you make the beer taste better
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
