you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
