hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
