I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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