My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
