I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
