i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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