Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
