Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Randomize
