I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
