Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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