did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
