Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
