I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
