Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize