After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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