Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
