I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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