Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
