I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
