my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
