Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize