i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
