Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Panties = found
Randomize
