What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
