She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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