I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize