I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
