$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
