I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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