Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
