Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
