Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize