i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
