so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
