i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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