is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
