are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
