Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
