my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We have started to decorate penises.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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