If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
