It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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